Correspondence Course
by Akatsuki210
Summary: Gods do not usually receive mail. Apparently, Pain is an exception. PainKonan, one-shot.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Naruto_ or any of its characters, locations, etc.

**Pairing:** PainKonan

* * *

**Correspondence Course**

Pain looked at the fat manila envelope that Konan had just handed to him. "What's this?"

Konan arched an eyebrow. "Apparently, it's mail."

"Mail? Who would send us mail?" In Amegakure, Pain was worshipped as a god. Gods did not generally receive mail.

Curiously, Pain opened the envelope, assuming that Konan had checked it for traps before giving it to him, and found that it contained a thick stack of papers. The paper on top was covered in neat, no-nonsense printing. Pain read it once, blinked, and then read it through again.

"What is it?" Konan asked.

In answer, Pain cleared his throat and read out loud:

_To the Most Honorable Pain-sama:_

_My students have been learning about the history of our country, and specifically about how you defeated Hanzou and ended the civil war. Although they are too young to remember it themselves, they have heard stories from their parents and grandparents, and are very curious about you. Therefore, I decided to have them write letters to you as a special project. It is my hope that you will enjoy hearing from some of your youngest citizens._

_Sincerely,_

_Urushitani Kitazawa_

_Third Grade Teacher, West Amegakure Elementary School_

"So, the rest of these papers are letters from third-graders?" Konan eyed the pile skeptically, then flipped through it and chose one at random. She read it silently, and her lips twitched in a small smile.

"What?" Pain asked, curious despite himself. "What's so funny about it?"

In a formal, imperious voice, Konan proceeded to read:

_Dear Pain-sama,_

_Which do you like better, puppies or kittens?_

_Sincerely,_

_Masao_

Pain's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Puppies or kittens? Someone really took the time to ask an inane question like that?" He sighed, and picked up the next letter. "Let's see if this one has anything more intelligent to say."

_Dear Pain-sama,_

_My mom says that when a man and a woman really love each other, they hug in a special way and then the stork brings them a baby. Since everyone knows you and Konan-sama love each other, when are you going to have a baby?_

_Sincerely,_

_Tsukamoto_

Konan glared fiercely at the letter. "Tomorrow morning, this village is going to wake up and discover that it has one less third-grader than it used to."

"Well, it _is_ a good question," Pain said with a playful smirk.

"...Or maybe just one less god."

Pain quickly composed himself and picked up the next letter.

_Dear Pain-sama,_

_My dad died in the civil war. Will he get to go to Heaven, even though he killed people?_

_Sincerely,_

_Shigeru_

Pain's grip on the paper tightened. _"Will he get to go to Heaven, even though he killed people?" _Pain had to believe that the answer to that question was "yes." After all, he had killed so many in his quest to bring peace to Rain, and would kill many more in his quest to spread that peace to the rest of the world. If a person could truly be damned for that, then he would never be able to rejoin his parents and his friends who had gone before him. That possibility was intolerable.

"Pain..." Konan had noticed his distress--she always did, no matter how skillfully he hid it from everyone else. She rested a gentle hand on his shoulder, gracing him with a tender expression that no other member of Akatsuki had ever seen.

"It's nothing," he said quickly, and swept the letter to the bottom of the pile.

_Dear Pain-sama,_

_My grandpa's real sick, and the medic-nins can't fix him. Could you please make him better?_

_Sincerely,_

_Ishizuka_

This time, it was Konan who seemed troubled. She remembered her father laying on a bed in the makeshift infirmary an order of monks had set up during the civil war--the actual hospital having long ago been destroyed.

_The man taking care of her father looked apologetic. "I'm afraid we have no antidote for this poison. We can keep him from feeling any pain, but this is beyond our ability to heal." Konan sniffled and clutched her mother's hand. Was this man trying to say that her father was going to die?_

_"Konan..." Her father's voice was weak, but he was lifting her head and looking at her. Konan broke away from her mother and ran to his side._

_"I'm here, Tou-san." Her father's face was lined and his skin pale, but the smile he gave at the sight of her was genuine._

_"Konan...I'm so sorry. I've tried so hard to protect you. All I've ever wanted is for you to have a good life."_

_Konan turned to the monk who still remained by her father's bedside. "You have to fix him! You __**have**__ to! You guys are healers, aren't you?"_

_The lines on the monk's face seemed to deepen. "I'm sorry, child. We __**are**__ healers, and we can make antidotes to simple poisons, but this is one we haven't encountered before. You need to know the ingredients in the poison to mix an antidote. I, too, wish there was something more we could do, but there isn't."_

"Konan?" Pain was looking at her with concern.

"I should go and look over the latest set of mission reports from our shinobi," she said briskly, then turned on her heel and left the room.

* * *

Later that evening, Konan walked by the door to Pain's office. She glanced inside, kept going, then backed up and looked in again. All six of Pain's bodies were crowded around the desk. Each one had a stack of papers in front of him, and was writing on the topmost one.

"Pain..."

All six bodies, which had been bent diligently over their work, looked up at the same time. "Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

One of the Pains blinked, and gestured at the papers scattered across the desk. "Isn't it obvious? I'm answering letters."

* * *

**A/N:** All together, now: "Awwww..." Seriously, how cute are these two?

My first story of 2010! Reviews, as always, are greatly appreciated.


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